~Mark Twain~
I have seen the following article pop up a lot in the past few days............I couldn't agree with it more.
I couldn't agree more because I have fallen on both sides of the trap the article is talking about. Now, if you are a generation Y kid reading this, let me stop you now and let you know that you need to go back, actually click on the link, and read the article, otherwise this entire post will make absolutely no sense to you. It takes time, and you have to make a commitment, but I know you, just like me, can do it. Ready, set......go!
Now that we are all on the same page lets talk about how scary this article is, because it is true, it happens, and it is getting worse. When I started working for the Y, I did so at the age of 29, with my first child on the way, first set of real stresses, and first real career path. Everything I had done up until then were things that didn't define me as an adult. Career, family, children, responsibility, domestication, monotony, etc. These are the things that make us an adult. When you suck it up, realize that life is hard, and move the fuck on, that is when you define yourself as an adult.............I am miserably failing at this, and have my entire life. But this article speaks the truth, and unlike one of my former acquaintances, who commented that "after reading the article I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw", I looked into the computer screen reflection and hated the image staring at me on the other side. Why? Because what is happening to me now is not the results of discovering this pill that is hard to swallow.............it is what happens to you when you do not realize that you are not special until it is far too late...........until you pissed it all away because you had everything, was doing just fine, and still didn't feel satisfied. That was me. I worked hard, and actually did very well, very quickly, considering how unexpected adulthood was for me, and how unprepared I was. But when it came to work, I was smart. I knew the answers to building programs, working with people, and finding ways to slide past the red tape and bull shit. I did it well for a while. Then one day, I decided it just wasn't enough, needed to feel special, and started thinking with my dick.....................yea, good call Justin.
Now I am sitting in a Diner in the middle of nowhere West Virginia. Everything is gone, I realize I did have everything a man my age could want, and I have no idea which way to turn or which way to go. I have very little money, my credit is destroyed, I am in debt, and I am hiding......................that's NOT special!!!!!! That's really fucked up...............Wait a minute, it wasn't supposed to be this way.
You see, the article is unfinished. It forgets to give you the example of what happens to those who do not realize the reality of their lives until it is too late........that is where I come in. My last post talks about defining "home". I realized from the feedback that I was given by some that the post helped people with their own lives. Some read it and told me they went back to their homes, and had a new appreciation for it, and that they were strengthened in their love for their families. That made me feel good. I helped people. But I realized I was the example of what would happen if they ever forgot to appreciate their families, and their home. The reality of my life scared the shit out of them. Then I realized that may be my place in life. I may be the one that is the example of what happens when you don't realize your world is not special, and you realize that you have to earn your life, and it will be a life that may be ordinary to others, but is extraordinary to you. My place is the example to the world of what happens when you don't appreciate the life you have.............that sucks, but everyone has a purpose. Maybe this is mine.
"Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
I was taken back by the first half of the article. It never dawned on me that my parents did not ever think they would do as well as they did. Then I thought back on how my mother was raised, and I remember she told me she had an outhouse until she was twelve. Now we build outhouses in West Virginia because it is funny.........she did it as a means to a sanitary survival. WOW! That is quite the change in one generation. Thinking about this made me realize that my parents perception of the world is very different than mine, and if there is one re-occurring theme in my writing, it is that perception is reality..................so after being raised by a hard ass generation (I love the stick figure grandpa calling the rest of the family "pussies"), they saw their lives as a struggle.........a struggle that never happened. Instead success came their way, and they raised me to think I would be successful, because that is what happens to people. They make their lives by working hard and they are successful................but as the article states, that just isn't enough for our generation, and there was a time that it just wasn't enough for me.
There is one point the article doesn't touch on.......................we are an over-educated generation. We were told, "go to college and all your dreams will come true"...................yea, right. Our generation is highly educated (by a shitty system), and we all think that because we have degrees the world is easy. Then we sit down, stair at Facebook, and read shit like this..............................
http://www.businessinsider.com/growth-in-college-tuition-vs-growth-in-earnings-for-college-graduates-2012-11
Hell yea!!! After reading that I am pumped about higher education........aren't you? That seems like the answer for us all, doesn't it? (I wish you could hear my sarcasm here, instead of just reading it.) So our generation was told, "go to college and you WILL be successful." Now we are all pretty damn smart, but will for the most part be taking jobs that do not do our personal education and intelligence any justice at all (unless you have a masters or doctorate, but then you are a billion dollars in debt), which will make us again realize that we are not special. I realized this when I became a manager/director, received a 10 percent raise, and then had a 70 percent rise in stress.........seems like success to me.
I stopped reading "Walden" the other night to watch a movie. I chose "Fight Club". I thought a little Tyler Durden may do me well. The parallels between that movie and this article are scary. They are just presented in two different styles. Stick figures and flowers are not my style..........although gramp's calling his family "pussies" is my style. My style is Tyler Durden dropping knowledge, knowledge that at least explores answers to the future of our generation............Tyler Durden quotes are my favorite, and here is one of the best that sums up everything about this topic............
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
You see, the article is unfinished. It forgets to give you the example of what happens to those who do not realize the reality of their lives until it is too late........that is where I come in. My last post talks about defining "home". I realized from the feedback that I was given by some that the post helped people with their own lives. Some read it and told me they went back to their homes, and had a new appreciation for it, and that they were strengthened in their love for their families. That made me feel good. I helped people. But I realized I was the example of what would happen if they ever forgot to appreciate their families, and their home. The reality of my life scared the shit out of them. Then I realized that may be my place in life. I may be the one that is the example of what happens when you don't realize your world is not special, and you realize that you have to earn your life, and it will be a life that may be ordinary to others, but is extraordinary to you. My place is the example to the world of what happens when you don't appreciate the life you have.............that sucks, but everyone has a purpose. Maybe this is mine.
"Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
I was taken back by the first half of the article. It never dawned on me that my parents did not ever think they would do as well as they did. Then I thought back on how my mother was raised, and I remember she told me she had an outhouse until she was twelve. Now we build outhouses in West Virginia because it is funny.........she did it as a means to a sanitary survival. WOW! That is quite the change in one generation. Thinking about this made me realize that my parents perception of the world is very different than mine, and if there is one re-occurring theme in my writing, it is that perception is reality..................so after being raised by a hard ass generation (I love the stick figure grandpa calling the rest of the family "pussies"), they saw their lives as a struggle.........a struggle that never happened. Instead success came their way, and they raised me to think I would be successful, because that is what happens to people. They make their lives by working hard and they are successful................but as the article states, that just isn't enough for our generation, and there was a time that it just wasn't enough for me.
There is one point the article doesn't touch on.......................we are an over-educated generation. We were told, "go to college and all your dreams will come true"...................yea, right. Our generation is highly educated (by a shitty system), and we all think that because we have degrees the world is easy. Then we sit down, stair at Facebook, and read shit like this..............................
http://www.businessinsider.com/growth-in-college-tuition-vs-growth-in-earnings-for-college-graduates-2012-11
Hell yea!!! After reading that I am pumped about higher education........aren't you? That seems like the answer for us all, doesn't it? (I wish you could hear my sarcasm here, instead of just reading it.) So our generation was told, "go to college and you WILL be successful." Now we are all pretty damn smart, but will for the most part be taking jobs that do not do our personal education and intelligence any justice at all (unless you have a masters or doctorate, but then you are a billion dollars in debt), which will make us again realize that we are not special. I realized this when I became a manager/director, received a 10 percent raise, and then had a 70 percent rise in stress.........seems like success to me.
I stopped reading "Walden" the other night to watch a movie. I chose "Fight Club". I thought a little Tyler Durden may do me well. The parallels between that movie and this article are scary. They are just presented in two different styles. Stick figures and flowers are not my style..........although gramp's calling his family "pussies" is my style. My style is Tyler Durden dropping knowledge, knowledge that at least explores answers to the future of our generation............Tyler Durden quotes are my favorite, and here is one of the best that sums up everything about this topic............
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
~Tyler Durden~
OK, so the answers do not exist in this quote, but he nails the feeling that I have experienced from my realizations...............pissed off. I just went the longest time searching for who to be pissed off at..........my parents, the system, my parent-in-laws, the Baby Boomers, my wife, my mistress, my friends, etc, etc, etc. All of these people were just a means to denying myself the TRUTH about whom to really be pissed off at.................myself. I had choices, and I refused to make them. I had the choice to be satisfied in my career, to love my family no matter what, to tell the Fourteenth Street Whore to fuck off, to look The Fat Bastard in the eyes long ago and tell him what he was doing was wrong, to get up, dust myself off, and say "fuck this, I am making my own life better, not for my parents, or my wife, but for me. I want a better life for me, and for my children"................it took isolation in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, weeks of loneliness, losing my mind (oh yea.........that is long gone), trying to kill myself on the Upper Gauley at 7000cfs (which is actually quite easy), walking through bear infested wilderness alone, and a talk with yet another chance encounter on a West Virginia back porch in the middle of nowhere. It was her sense of being lost that helped me realize where I stood in this world, and that there was only one person who could help me find my way home.........................me.
So now that I am realizing that, I need to find the starting point. For the past four weeks.............no, I take that back, for the past six months, many people have told me "stop writing, shut down the blog, move on."...........well, I have one thing to say to those people............"Fuck off!" (see, my first decision in moving forward.) The blog has purpose. I just didn't realize what that purpose was until now............it will help people appreciate what they have. No one likes it, and I have to block the comments because they are so bad sometimes, but people read it, and I never realized why until now............I think it helps them feel better about their own lives. It reminds them just how much they have, and it reminds them that the grass is not greener on the other side. (which I find it ironic that the article did use a green lawn to represent success) I have taken many different approaches to how I write........some have been to entertain, some have been to rip people apart, some have been to explain my situation, some have been a cry for help. All are written with emotion, and all are written from the heart. Now my purpose is two fold.....................first, I WILL complete the story I started without changing my mindset on how it is presented (this is a selfish choice........like I stated before, I am telling it as my therapy, and I am telling it to get it out.) My second purpose for writing is not selfish. I want to help people.
"Stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it! Stay focused."
~Anonymous~
During the first set of bad times (the present moment is the second), about a year or year and a half ago, a friend that I trusted with all my heart called me up one night. He is married, has two kids, is a kayaker, and has a successful career. He is also one of the more levelheaded people I have ever been associated with, and at one time he was a close friend, and I trusted him. He was hysterical on the other end of the phone. He told me he thought his marriage was over. He told me that he couldn't do it anymore. I heard the stress, the confusion, the desperation in his voice. It was the same sounds that had echoed in my thoughts when my marriage was ending. His family, just like mine, was beautiful, and I did NOT want to see him spiral like I did, because he had told me a few weeks before that if he was in my position he would just be piss drunk all the time..........hey, at least I never took that path. Once he calmed down, I told him as sternly as I could to go home, suck it up, and save his marriage. I told him that what he had was beautiful, and the grass was NOT in any way greener on the other side. I told him that he had no choice. He had to stick it out, find a way, make it work, because what he had was true happiness. He, just like me, was having trouble seeing the run out from the top of the drop, and just needed a quick scout to be reminded that the green tongues did exist in his life, and there was a clean line through his chaos. This person doesn't speak to me anymore, like so many others, but every now and then I check up to see how his family is doing. They look and seem happier than they have ever been. It makes me smile. I hope that maybe what I said that night had a small impact on his decisions, and maybe I had a small impact on the direction of his life. It makes me happy to know that the negative example I set in my life could produce a positive change in someone else's life. That, I hope, is the message I send to everyone from now on.
The story that I am continuing to write is ugly, and I am not proud of it, but I WILL finish it, no matter what. It may not make sense to you as it is told, and it may seem like I am just trashing some people, but in the end I promise you that I am not. I just need to explain it my way, and that is all I am trying to do. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I need people to be patient and trust that my final intentions are good intentions. I made a promise to a true friend about my time here, and I intend on keeping that promise. While here, I finish the story, find the starting point to the rest of my life, and take a step forward. That is all I have left, and for now, that will have to be enough. Please, help me find the love that I know exists in this world, because I am scared, and I am very alone, and I do not want to walk this path alone, because it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
"Pain is your friend; it is your alie. Pain reminds you to finish the job and get the hell home. Pain tells you when you have been seriously wounded. And you know what the best thing about pain is? It tells you you’re not dead yet!”
~Master Chief John James Urgayle~
I may not be seein' ya on the rivah..................cause I have a lot of work to do! PEACE
