~Tyler Durden~
Consider this an editorial......and before I begin I will go ahead and call myself out to get a jump on the haters. I paddle alone.....at night.......on the hardest rapids on the James. I boated alone at the height of the flood last week. All of these things are really stupid and can kill you......but I am crazy, so I have a justifiable excuse. Now, on to today's topic.
I will begin by saying that this is a very opinionated post......but it is my blog and love me or hate me, you will all read it, and this opinion is right. Remember in the first post when I said I was going to be blunt. Well, get ready. Let's begin with the following picture.
Many of you saw this picture on the evening news last week, and many of you have heard the overly opinionated and bull shit comments of Curt Autry.....not only comments referring to kayakers as "idiots", but also many other stories during his tenure........(like how much weight men put on during pregnancy. Seriously dude, it is about the mothers and babies and their health. Not the men's weight issues.) So obviously I think Curt Autry is kind of a dick. Given that, lets move on to the subject in this picture.
If Curt Autry is an asshole and you allow yourself to be captured in this image while kayaking, then you are giving him all the reason to call us idiots, because based on the evidence above, we look like idiots......sitting on a log in a flood swollen river waiting for help. (By the way, this is not me. I used commen sense last week) My question is this.......if you make an asshole like Curt Autry look justified in his comments, then what does that make you? I mean after all, there is no arguing this picture, and all the Facebook comments by all my fellow James River paddlers made us look even worse. WE CAN'T JUSTIFY THIS!!!! We look really reckless and irresponsible in doing so. The thing that pisses me off the most is you gave that man fuel to fire away......and he even recommended closing the river over twelve feet, which impacts my life. If I can't paddle home because a cop says so, then I am really pissed. (and those involved know what happens when I get pissed.......I get even by using our wonderful system....you know, the system that doesn't work)
However, the story did not end there. The subject in this picture then went on his Facebook wall (yes, this is a dude, not a female like some thought), and bragged about the incident, posting the picture and making fun of the news, people witnessing the scene, and other boaters (that would be me...it was weak....really weak....unlike this post). So at this point you have now swum, gotten stuck on a log, ended up looking like a dumb ass on the evening news, making an asshole look right, and then bragged about it.
But still, the story doesn't end there. You see, these used to be my paddling partners, and I am well aware of what goes on within this group of paddlers, but don't take my word for it. Let the pictures speak for themselves.
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| Lovin' the bag of wine on a Class V creek. He is so proud. |
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| Results of the Bag-O-Wine |
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| Enjoy some beers on City Property! Great idea. |
These are some very tame images compared to the lifestyle.. We are whitewater boaters, so common sense isn't always first priority. After my divorce, this was me. I don't drink, but if you read this blog then you know I have a habit, and it isn't a good one, so I am guilty of kayaking, well,.......not sober. In fact, I doubt I was sober in this pic...........which was pretty stupid....actually really Fucking stupid! (I thought this was an appropriate time for an F Bomb)
The reason I chose this image is that I was with the dumb ass on the log on this particular day. At the time, I just didn't care about my own well being. I had lost my family and was out of my mind. (Funny thing is, if you ask this group of kayakers about me, they would state that I am out of my mind now for the things I am writing, not back then for the things I was doing.) So I am well aware of what "state of mind" these boys were in during the incident when the dumb ass ended up on the log.
Now, there are many stories floating around that some boaters hid in the woods, and that there was or wasn't certain people there....really doesn't matter. (Although one of the individuals who was present did admit to me that he was embarrassed by what happened, which is more than anyone else can say......by the way, to that individual....if you are going to make those your last words to me, be more profound bro....that shit was weak. And I didn't even realize you swam too. That made the story even better.)
I wish I could say that was the end of the story, but yet again, it was not. The evening of this incident I was sitting at camp, enjoying the island and my life, when what do I see float by.......you guessed it; the dumb ass on the logs boat! I love karma. I wasn't aware of the situation at the time, and watched it float by wondering what it was. Funny thing is, a few days later the following pic falls right into my lap.
Again, isn't karma sweet! Now, I am not going to say I am proud of the post I put on Facebook, or the fact that I had the idea to use the boat as a starter log in my bonfire, but you have to admit, things just kind of worked out that way. (I swear, I don't go looking for this shit. It just falls in my lap......Island Magic) In the end the dumb ass on the log got his boat back before I ever even saw it (he brought the cops with him....really uncalled for bro.....you swam. remember? You are lucky you got it back at all.)
My point is this........don't take pride in being a dumb ass! And don't take pride in something that makes an entire community look bad...really bad. And don't take pride in something that gives an asshole reporter justification to be an asshole. And don't ever threaten my way of life like that again....because the next time you do, this will seem like a pin prick compared to what I have in my photo archive. (by the way...that isn't a threat. It's a promise.)
So in conclusion, if you are going to paddle the James at flood stage, you better make sure with 100 percent certainty you can handle it, because when you fuck up, you are not just representing yourself, you are representing us all. Go do something positive with your paddling life.......like living on an island to create a sustainable and healthy life. (that is my idea. Just an example. Get your own.) And to the dumb ass on the log, my advice is simple........
My editorial is finished. See ya on the rivah! (hopefully not on a log.)
