“There is nothing more beautiful than living a simple life in this complex universe!”
~Mehmet Murat ildan~
I was recently hanging out with a friend and discussing the term "Dirt Bag Paddler". I informed her that I was a big fan of the Dirt Bags and was looking forward to seeing the Dirt Bag world grow in 2014 and felt lucky to be involved with the project. She laughed and then said she didn't think I fit the Dirt Bag profile because I wasn't an asshole...................Timeout!!!! First of all, I am an asshole. PERIOD. I am just extremely sweet to her because she is one of the nicest people I have ever met........and because she has very pretty brown eyes........and I know she is reading this right now. Second of all, it never dawned on me until that moment that the term "Dirt Bag" could be classified with the term "asshole" in some situations........well, in most situations. And third, I had made a terrible mistake somewhere along the way and had failed to properly explain to my friend exactly what a true Dirt Bag Paddling Nomad was, and why the lifestyle and persona that it represented was in fact the exact opposite of an asshole............well, at least it's the opposite of an asshole most of the time..........maybe more like some of the time. But the point is, we represent something more. The Dirt Bag represents the pure TRUTH behind the paddling lifestyle. So I will now attempt to clarify and define the lifestyle of a Dirt Bag Paddler through stories and guest commentary, because if one thing is for sure, it's that there's a Dirt Bag in all of us....................................
“A lady once offered me a mat, but as I had no room to spare within the house, nor time to spare within or without to shake it, I declined it, preferring to wipe my feet on the sod before my door. It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil.”
~Henry David Thoreau~
I will begin with a simple example of how a Dirt Bag paddler perceives and accomplishes daily tasks. Today I went to my car and realized I needed to clean the snow and ice off of it before I could drive. After searching for a scrapper for about 7 seconds in my homeless, dirt baggin', nomadic, cluttered shuttle vehicle, I realized that if I thought like a Dirt Bag Paddler the job could be accomplished much faster...........................guide stick and a poogie. BOOM! Two minutes later my car was cleaned off and I was good to go. Think like a Dirt Bag and the world simplifies itself. Later on that day I received feedback on a previous blog post. In that post I explained that a veteran rivah guide almost never has a knife with them on the rivah and that is how you can identify them as a skilled and seasoned paddler.........along with duct tape and weather faded PFD's, and worn down paddle blades. (William Nealy explains it best) I received some feedback that it was not appropriate to use the example of a seasoned guide with no knife, because at some point in a guides career they would need to cut a rope..........this is true because I have been in that situation before on the rivah......twice. However, the river knife is always the piece of gear every poor Dirt Bag guide never wants to buy. So after once again thinking like a Dirt Bag, I gave a valid reason through an absolutely true story from my past............................
"Expert rivah guides use their knives to spread peanut butter on their lunch, open beer bottles, and fight rednecks. Eventually you realize you are never going to use the knife for it's intended purpose...............I found this out the day I needed to protect my friend from an irate, moonshine fueled hillbilly. When I went for my knife it became stuck in the holster due to the amount of peanut butter clogging it up. As a result my friend was forced to squeal like a pig.......it was tragic."
It is important to remember that the tragedy came from my rivah knife being stuck in it's holster from peanut butter. The damn thing was ruined...........my friend on the other hand needed a little toughening up. He would recover..........well, maybe not emotionally, but shit happens. More importantly, what about my emotional recovery process for having to witness such a horror. That is where the focus should be here. It is also important to remember that 90% of everything that comes out of a rivah guides mouth is usually complete and total bull shit.............but custy's all love us anyway. Go figure! After all, we make them think we saved their lives........especially the hot ones.
I cannot lay claim to the creation of the Dirt Bag's. I became a part of the debauchery through my writing. The Godfather of the Dirt Bag's is a man deep in the hills of the Midwest.........yes, the Midwest, who goes by the name of Chicago..............in an unprecedented move, The Island Chronicles for the first time ever has asked someone else to write their own personal "history" about the creation of DBP............Dirt Bag Paddlers. When I say "history", keep in mind that the DBP's are in their infancy stage. The fun is just gettin' started! Please welcome our first guest writer and Godfather of DBP as he explains "The History of the Dirt Bag Paddler"......................
"The Dirt Bag Paddlers started with a bunch of us Kosir's Rapid Raft river guides in Northern Wisconsin in the summer of 2013. We had just had a crazy drunken batch of Chicago customers teach us how to 'Wallace'. Being crazy and drunken ourselves, we immediately took it to the river and applied it to our carnage terminology. Wallace: roughly based on the legendary shot-blocking skills of former NBA player Ben Wallace. There are many forms of Wallace to the Dirtbag. On the river, Wallaces are separated into Upwards Wallace, where the boat is flipped and dumps the entire crew; the Downward Wallace, where the swimmer(s) take an especially nasty deep swim; and the Baby Wallace, where you might find that the Dirtbag lost his or her seat, paddle, or maybe a custy or two... Off the river, Dirtbags are well known by their frequent slapping of beers and other precious articles (such as paperwork) from each other's hands. They take the same form as on the river, with the added caveat that one must properly declare the Wallace by yelling "Wallace" during the act. The Baby Wallace is a slight bump of the arm that results in slight spillage, kind of like a warning shot... "Hey Dirtbag, pay the fuck attention!" And never cry or get pissed, watching your Wallaced drink soak into the earth! Grab that muthafukka and pound that shit out!!! Around the same time, three of us went on a private trip out to Pennsylvania to paddle the Yough and party up Ohiopyle, one of the great river towns in America. We took to calling ourselves Dirtbags on this trip, Wallacing beers all over the town, not showering for days, and basically just living out of our tents and paddling, really celebrating the river lifestyle. Thus the Dirt Bag Paddlers were born.
In the very beginning you could only be a Dirtbag by going on a mission with one of us... but that didn't last long. We started a Facebook page designed to make jokes and rep our style of living, figuring our audience would be our friends in Wisconsin that we paddled and worked with. Next thing you know, we have a hundred likes! The original DBs started asking, "do you know these people?..........No." We realized we were on to something. We went out to run the Upper Gauley in September for Gauley Fest, and our little network of friends made over years of paddling expanded overnight. We taught them the Wallace. Suddenly river rats from all over America were liking our posts. So we started thinking, let's get Admins from all over America to share stuff about THEIR rivers and experiences. See, most river people don't get to travel too far from their home stretches, because most of us are poor Dirtbags! We thought, what a great way to learn about other places, make some new friends and plan some new missions... BOOM! It started to take off! The more we shared, the more we realized that our jokes and fun were the same as people we had never met before, from rivers we had never heard of... from all over the WORLD! And we came to see very quickly that our experiences paddling were also universal to us all. We knew The River had no borders, no language barrier, just ONE LOVE! And of course, Wallace! The Dirt Bag World was born! DBP looks all over the globe for Admins to share their stories. We've made friends from every region of The States and on every continent: Chile, Costa Rica, Peru, Indonesia, New Zealand, Bulgaria, Greece, the Philippines, Nepal, Iran, Kenya, Norway, Sweden, Ireland, Iceland, Canada...... and we continue to grow. Dirt Bag Paddlers are all about sharing with the world our celebration of The River, and the paddling lifestyle, as well as bringing together all types of people and cultures to the whitewater world. We are free out there.........free from the imaginary boundaries that try to separate us from each other. DBP represents raft guides, kayakers, outfitters, racers, photographers, writers... just like our people who like and share with us. We'll paddle all day with you, and smack your beer outta your hand afterwards cuz we love you. We're here to Wallace, and enjoy life to the fullest. Cheers!"
I cannot lay claim to the creation of the Dirt Bag's. I became a part of the debauchery through my writing. The Godfather of the Dirt Bag's is a man deep in the hills of the Midwest.........yes, the Midwest, who goes by the name of Chicago..............in an unprecedented move, The Island Chronicles for the first time ever has asked someone else to write their own personal "history" about the creation of DBP............Dirt Bag Paddlers. When I say "history", keep in mind that the DBP's are in their infancy stage. The fun is just gettin' started! Please welcome our first guest writer and Godfather of DBP as he explains "The History of the Dirt Bag Paddler"......................
"The Dirt Bag Paddlers started with a bunch of us Kosir's Rapid Raft river guides in Northern Wisconsin in the summer of 2013. We had just had a crazy drunken batch of Chicago customers teach us how to 'Wallace'. Being crazy and drunken ourselves, we immediately took it to the river and applied it to our carnage terminology. Wallace: roughly based on the legendary shot-blocking skills of former NBA player Ben Wallace. There are many forms of Wallace to the Dirtbag. On the river, Wallaces are separated into Upwards Wallace, where the boat is flipped and dumps the entire crew; the Downward Wallace, where the swimmer(s) take an especially nasty deep swim; and the Baby Wallace, where you might find that the Dirtbag lost his or her seat, paddle, or maybe a custy or two... Off the river, Dirtbags are well known by their frequent slapping of beers and other precious articles (such as paperwork) from each other's hands. They take the same form as on the river, with the added caveat that one must properly declare the Wallace by yelling "Wallace" during the act. The Baby Wallace is a slight bump of the arm that results in slight spillage, kind of like a warning shot... "Hey Dirtbag, pay the fuck attention!" And never cry or get pissed, watching your Wallaced drink soak into the earth! Grab that muthafukka and pound that shit out!!! Around the same time, three of us went on a private trip out to Pennsylvania to paddle the Yough and party up Ohiopyle, one of the great river towns in America. We took to calling ourselves Dirtbags on this trip, Wallacing beers all over the town, not showering for days, and basically just living out of our tents and paddling, really celebrating the river lifestyle. Thus the Dirt Bag Paddlers were born.
In the very beginning you could only be a Dirtbag by going on a mission with one of us... but that didn't last long. We started a Facebook page designed to make jokes and rep our style of living, figuring our audience would be our friends in Wisconsin that we paddled and worked with. Next thing you know, we have a hundred likes! The original DBs started asking, "do you know these people?..........No." We realized we were on to something. We went out to run the Upper Gauley in September for Gauley Fest, and our little network of friends made over years of paddling expanded overnight. We taught them the Wallace. Suddenly river rats from all over America were liking our posts. So we started thinking, let's get Admins from all over America to share stuff about THEIR rivers and experiences. See, most river people don't get to travel too far from their home stretches, because most of us are poor Dirtbags! We thought, what a great way to learn about other places, make some new friends and plan some new missions... BOOM! It started to take off! The more we shared, the more we realized that our jokes and fun were the same as people we had never met before, from rivers we had never heard of... from all over the WORLD! And we came to see very quickly that our experiences paddling were also universal to us all. We knew The River had no borders, no language barrier, just ONE LOVE! And of course, Wallace! The Dirt Bag World was born! DBP looks all over the globe for Admins to share their stories. We've made friends from every region of The States and on every continent: Chile, Costa Rica, Peru, Indonesia, New Zealand, Bulgaria, Greece, the Philippines, Nepal, Iran, Kenya, Norway, Sweden, Ireland, Iceland, Canada...... and we continue to grow. Dirt Bag Paddlers are all about sharing with the world our celebration of The River, and the paddling lifestyle, as well as bringing together all types of people and cultures to the whitewater world. We are free out there.........free from the imaginary boundaries that try to separate us from each other. DBP represents raft guides, kayakers, outfitters, racers, photographers, writers... just like our people who like and share with us. We'll paddle all day with you, and smack your beer outta your hand afterwards cuz we love you. We're here to Wallace, and enjoy life to the fullest. Cheers!"
~Chicago~
To repeat........."We took to calling ourselves Dirtbags on this trip, Wallacing beers all over the town, not showering for days, and basically just living out of our tents and paddling, really celebrating the river lifestyle. Thus the Dirt Bag Paddlers were born."............that pretty much sums it up. I couldn't have written it better myself, and I am proud to call myself a Dirt Bag. Thanks for the contribution Chicago and I look forward to working with you throughout the year.
To repeat........."We took to calling ourselves Dirtbags on this trip, Wallacing beers all over the town, not showering for days, and basically just living out of our tents and paddling, really celebrating the river lifestyle. Thus the Dirt Bag Paddlers were born."............that pretty much sums it up. I couldn't have written it better myself, and I am proud to call myself a Dirt Bag. Thanks for the contribution Chicago and I look forward to working with you throughout the year.
~Anonymous~
I know what you are thinking................How does that quote apply to Dirt Bags? All they seem to want to do is paddle and WALLACE beers and refuse to grow up. Well, in a way you would be right. But DBP is about so much more. It is about a certain unique lifestyle. A lifestyle that values and recognizes the simplicity and true freedom of escaping the social confines of life. Dropping off the grid for a few days, a few weeks, or even six months represents forward thinking in our modern and complex society. We are a world that moves so fast we often forget to look around and appreciate our ability to live in the moment. To be able to drop all of it and escape to a world that doesn't run on smart phones, tight schedules, coffee, and politics. Dirt Baggin' breaks down life to its most simplistic form........Survive, Paddle, Live, Love. Paddling adventures are true escapes from the world, whether it be for one afternoon, one week, or even a journey with no known destination or timeline................living the life of a true Dirt Bag Paddling Nomad is what our souls long for, and the adventures that are had during those times are what fill our hearts with life and love. These are the lessons I look forward to one day teaching my own sons, and these are the reasons there is a little bit of Dirt Bag in all of us.
"Every man dies, but not every man truly lives."
~William Wallace~
See ya on the rivah.................Dirt Baggin' my way through life. WALLACE
~William Wallace~
See ya on the rivah.................Dirt Baggin' my way through life. WALLACE
