“We are our choices.”
~Jean-Paul Sartre~
At the end of the day everything in our life originates from one overwhelming human concept...........our ability to make choices. Every human being possesses this ability, and every moment of every day we are faced with dilemmas that must be solved by a choice. Those choices are what define our lives. On the rivah we all make choices about what line to take, what stroke to use, and what hazard to avoid. If we fail to make those choices, we are probably going to be chundered................life is no different. We are faced with choices in life everyday, and if we fail to make those choices, life chunders the shit out of us as well. Trust me on that!
Two months ago I was faced with a choice............................re-enter the "real world", re-establish myself within the grid, pick back up my so called "career", and eek my way through the system in the hopes that it would somehow bring me back to a little bit of time with the boys. That was the first option for the future of my life. I knew exactly what this option would be like, because I have been down that path before. But I had a second option as well..........I could break away, hit the road, and create one hell of a whitewater adventure to write about. This option had been eating away at The Epic Worthlessness that is Man for quite some time. I just knew that the choice of breaking away would take risk, sacrifice, and balls.............guess which option I chose?
I am not going to sit here and attempt to convince all of you that the choice I made was the most responsible............there are many, many haters out there who would be happy to point out that it was not..........TRUTH. But sometimes the responsible choice in life is not necessarily the best choice. We only live once, and it would be a shame to know that I spent that one life making choices that were nothing more than the "safe bet". I learned plenty about the "safe bet" by following the advice of my parents and their close friends for most of my life, as well as watching the example they set, and I witnessed the attitude about the world that was created from that "safe bet".................in the end it got me no where.
So my conclusion was that I had to take a risk to discover the TRUTH about who I really was. I could no longer pursue a path who's end was obvious and in no way a mystery. I looked at the outcome of that first option, and I knew exactly how it would turn out. But the second option held a mysterious path who's end was not in sight. Taking the risk to follow that path was the choice I made..............and making that choice is what has made all the difference in where I stand today.
“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”
I am not going to sit here and attempt to convince all of you that the choice I made was the most responsible............there are many, many haters out there who would be happy to point out that it was not..........TRUTH. But sometimes the responsible choice in life is not necessarily the best choice. We only live once, and it would be a shame to know that I spent that one life making choices that were nothing more than the "safe bet". I learned plenty about the "safe bet" by following the advice of my parents and their close friends for most of my life, as well as watching the example they set, and I witnessed the attitude about the world that was created from that "safe bet".................in the end it got me no where.
So my conclusion was that I had to take a risk to discover the TRUTH about who I really was. I could no longer pursue a path who's end was obvious and in no way a mystery. I looked at the outcome of that first option, and I knew exactly how it would turn out. But the second option held a mysterious path who's end was not in sight. Taking the risk to follow that path was the choice I made..............and making that choice is what has made all the difference in where I stand today.
“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”
~Augustine of Hippo~
Throughout my ten years of whitewater Dirt Baggin' I have been fortuitous enough to experience the TRUTH in paddling many times. My travels have taken me throughout the Mid-Atlantic and Southeast, and not only did I have the fortunate experience of living in WNC, but I was also lucky enough to spend a large amount of time in the hills and gorges of West By God and Maryland. Some of the places I have visited and lived in truly possess some of the worlds great whitewater. I am grateful for every one of these opportunities and adventures I have experienced over the years, and am thankful for the people I have met along the way.
But there has always been one whitewater adventure I never had the opportunity to make.........an extended road trip with a core group of boaters. This kind of undertaking is usually only meant for the pros, and they usually break out to Nepal or Patagonia, or some country no one has ever heard of..........plus, Red Bull sponsorship and ridonkulous skill help their endeavor immensely. (and yes, in my world ridonkulous is a word) Unfortunately I am not a pro, nor will I ever be. I am just like all of you. A typical everyday boater who loves the whitewater lifestyle. Hell, I'm not even that skilled of a paddler. I WALLACE.........a lot..........in every discipline of the sport. But I love whitewater and I have an ability to write about our lifestyle. In the past 6 months I have allowed that ability to dictate the direction of my life...........I am well aware of just how dangerous that ethos can be. However, it can also be liberating if carried out correctly.
After an extensive amount of contemplation and consideration, as well as some added frustration from Marcelle, I finally did the one thing someone must do when breaking out for the road.........I just said "Fuck It!"...........yet again. I am starting to become rather proficient at that. The way I saw it, Gauleyfest was about to arrive, the Upper Yough was running the entire week leading up to the festival, the Wisco DBP's were coming down for the week, and I was making zero progress with Marcelle and my ability to see the boys. Based on the alignment of the stars and all these added variables, the decision was made and it was time to hit the road for some serious whitewater boat riding and truly epic Dirt Baggin'. I was determined to do it the right way this time around........and that is EXACTLY what I did.
“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.”
~Lao Tzu~
I wanted this trip to focus on three distinct variables.................whitewater, friends, and experiencing the absolute best out of the lifestyle. The first variable, whitewater, was the easiest to find..........I had ten years of experience in exactly how to do it, and with the Gauley and Upper Yough primed, I knew I had a 100% chance of succeeding, even without the cooperation of Mother Nature. The month of September would be spent pursuing all the rapids and rivahs that the Blue Ridge could dish out.
The second variable, friends, would be an easy endeavor as well. I was meeting up with quality people throughout the journey, and we all had one thing in common.........DBP. (I will come back to this oh so controversial acronym) However, even with plenty of friends along the journey, I was still traveling alone. In the past this would not have bothered me. I am used to traveling and being alone. But this trip was different. I wanted a side kick, a roadie mate, a partner in crime. But who in their right mind would be willing to live out of car with me for three weeks while traveling the hills of West By God?..............Lil' Rook. That's who! The story that is about to be told contains many colorful characters, but none are as colorful and entertaining as Lil' Rook. She made the trip anything but boring, and in the end, I was lucky to have her along the way, and will always value the lessons she has taught me about life, people, and the world we live in.
Lil' Rook was a small town raft guide from a Class III rivah, and she was as green as they come. I realized this on the first night when she asked me who Pat Keller was. What could be a better fit for a road trip than to have a rookie whitewater addict along for the ride learning the absolute TRUTH of the whitewater lifestyle. We also barely knew each other. I realized that this could be a risk, but figured it would give us plenty to talk about along the journey, as well as lead to a few surprises.....boy did it ever. Lil' Rook was also rather cute............considering I was representing DBP along the journey, I figured what could be better than to have a sexy little Dirt Bag Queen riding shotgun and promoting the Dirt Bag life. This all seemed like a pretty advantageous scenario for one hell of a road trip.............plenty of whitewater, three weeks of Dirt Baggin' with a crew of DBP's, and a cute little Dirt Bag Queen riding shotgun for the journey...........let's just say I got a bit more than I bargained for.
“Most people want to be circled by safety, not by the unexpected. The unexpected can take you out. But the unexpected can also take you over and change your life. Put a heart in your body where a stone used to be.”
~Ron Hall~
Throughout my ten years of whitewater Dirt Baggin' I have been fortuitous enough to experience the TRUTH in paddling many times. My travels have taken me throughout the Mid-Atlantic and Southeast, and not only did I have the fortunate experience of living in WNC, but I was also lucky enough to spend a large amount of time in the hills and gorges of West By God and Maryland. Some of the places I have visited and lived in truly possess some of the worlds great whitewater. I am grateful for every one of these opportunities and adventures I have experienced over the years, and am thankful for the people I have met along the way.
But there has always been one whitewater adventure I never had the opportunity to make.........an extended road trip with a core group of boaters. This kind of undertaking is usually only meant for the pros, and they usually break out to Nepal or Patagonia, or some country no one has ever heard of..........plus, Red Bull sponsorship and ridonkulous skill help their endeavor immensely. (and yes, in my world ridonkulous is a word) Unfortunately I am not a pro, nor will I ever be. I am just like all of you. A typical everyday boater who loves the whitewater lifestyle. Hell, I'm not even that skilled of a paddler. I WALLACE.........a lot..........in every discipline of the sport. But I love whitewater and I have an ability to write about our lifestyle. In the past 6 months I have allowed that ability to dictate the direction of my life...........I am well aware of just how dangerous that ethos can be. However, it can also be liberating if carried out correctly.
After an extensive amount of contemplation and consideration, as well as some added frustration from Marcelle, I finally did the one thing someone must do when breaking out for the road.........I just said "Fuck It!"...........yet again. I am starting to become rather proficient at that. The way I saw it, Gauleyfest was about to arrive, the Upper Yough was running the entire week leading up to the festival, the Wisco DBP's were coming down for the week, and I was making zero progress with Marcelle and my ability to see the boys. Based on the alignment of the stars and all these added variables, the decision was made and it was time to hit the road for some serious whitewater boat riding and truly epic Dirt Baggin'. I was determined to do it the right way this time around........and that is EXACTLY what I did.
“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.”
~Lao Tzu~
I wanted this trip to focus on three distinct variables.................whitewater, friends, and experiencing the absolute best out of the lifestyle. The first variable, whitewater, was the easiest to find..........I had ten years of experience in exactly how to do it, and with the Gauley and Upper Yough primed, I knew I had a 100% chance of succeeding, even without the cooperation of Mother Nature. The month of September would be spent pursuing all the rapids and rivahs that the Blue Ridge could dish out.
The second variable, friends, would be an easy endeavor as well. I was meeting up with quality people throughout the journey, and we all had one thing in common.........DBP. (I will come back to this oh so controversial acronym) However, even with plenty of friends along the journey, I was still traveling alone. In the past this would not have bothered me. I am used to traveling and being alone. But this trip was different. I wanted a side kick, a roadie mate, a partner in crime. But who in their right mind would be willing to live out of car with me for three weeks while traveling the hills of West By God?..............Lil' Rook. That's who! The story that is about to be told contains many colorful characters, but none are as colorful and entertaining as Lil' Rook. She made the trip anything but boring, and in the end, I was lucky to have her along the way, and will always value the lessons she has taught me about life, people, and the world we live in.
Lil' Rook was a small town raft guide from a Class III rivah, and she was as green as they come. I realized this on the first night when she asked me who Pat Keller was. What could be a better fit for a road trip than to have a rookie whitewater addict along for the ride learning the absolute TRUTH of the whitewater lifestyle. We also barely knew each other. I realized that this could be a risk, but figured it would give us plenty to talk about along the journey, as well as lead to a few surprises.....boy did it ever. Lil' Rook was also rather cute............considering I was representing DBP along the journey, I figured what could be better than to have a sexy little Dirt Bag Queen riding shotgun and promoting the Dirt Bag life. This all seemed like a pretty advantageous scenario for one hell of a road trip.............plenty of whitewater, three weeks of Dirt Baggin' with a crew of DBP's, and a cute little Dirt Bag Queen riding shotgun for the journey...........let's just say I got a bit more than I bargained for.
“Most people want to be circled by safety, not by the unexpected. The unexpected can take you out. But the unexpected can also take you over and change your life. Put a heart in your body where a stone used to be.”
~Ron Hall~
Once the logistics had been worked out (if you really want to call it that. Most of this trip was accomplished on nothing more than a prayer) we were ready to embark. Believe it or not I do have some control to my life (I will admit, very little control, but still, at least there is some). I wanted to set some guidelines, so with the help of Lil' Rook I came up with three golden rules for the journey.
1. Nobody goes to jail
2. Nobody gets pregnant
3. Nobody dies
I can assure you that we tested the limits of all three of these rules along the way, and in the end I am shocked that none of us broke any of them............well, at least not that I know of. Ask me again in about nine months. Know what I mean?.............I chose these three rules because they were the only three things that could lead to long term consequences from the trip............especially dying.......and getting pregnant..........and going to jail. See why I chose these three?
So the stage was set, the logistics were planned, my sidekick was on board, and the trip was a go. I had limited finances as I always do, but I have become a master of making sure the money appears somehow................ain't that right Flan? My side kick possessed her own ideas on funding for our trip, and she proved to be one bad ass little bitch when it came to producing sponsorship for our whitewater excursion..........at least temporarily that is. However, there is one rule about The Island Chronicles that will apply heavily to some parts of the epic tale that is about to be told................certain TRUTH'S will be left out to protect individual legality issues..........most notably MINE! Just remember this piece of information as the story is told. There were many, many laws broken during this journey, but then again, it's only a crime if one gets caught doing it. (I know of a few cops reading this right now.......Whats up fella's!!!!!.....I tried to stick to misdemeanors and stay away from the felonies...........for the most part. Hopefully that makes you feel better. Much love for the bacon!)
“It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.”
“It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.”
~Aristotle~
When entering this journey I thought I knew what to expect. I was determined to manufacture a road trip that would be about barbaric whitewater adventures full of harmless disorderly conduct...............but this journey became so much more from Day 1. This journey was about self discovery, and it was about people. The characters who surrounded me on these exploits are what made the trip so memorable. Without those people this journey would have lacked much of the adventure it held. Throughout the three years of this whitewater pilgrimage I have made it a point to always isolate myself during difficult times..................I made it a point to do the opposite on this occasion, and that may have made all the difference.
The people I met along the journey were amazing. Each had their own story and own adventure to tell, and hearing the Dirt Bag tales of those around me assisted me in understanding more about myself. For the first time in a long time I immersed myself into a world of people that I understood.........and just as important, I fell into a world of people who understood me. I sit here writing these tales completely broke, hungry, beaten down, somewhat homeless, and tired...........but most of all I now possess joy and happiness in my soul. I carry all the faces from this journey in my heart, and those faces remind me that I am not alone. We are all in this crazy ass ride of life together........no doubt there.
"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."
~Samuel Johnson~
When entering this journey I thought I knew what to expect. I was determined to manufacture a road trip that would be about barbaric whitewater adventures full of harmless disorderly conduct...............but this journey became so much more from Day 1. This journey was about self discovery, and it was about people. The characters who surrounded me on these exploits are what made the trip so memorable. Without those people this journey would have lacked much of the adventure it held. Throughout the three years of this whitewater pilgrimage I have made it a point to always isolate myself during difficult times..................I made it a point to do the opposite on this occasion, and that may have made all the difference.
The people I met along the journey were amazing. Each had their own story and own adventure to tell, and hearing the Dirt Bag tales of those around me assisted me in understanding more about myself. For the first time in a long time I immersed myself into a world of people that I understood.........and just as important, I fell into a world of people who understood me. I sit here writing these tales completely broke, hungry, beaten down, somewhat homeless, and tired...........but most of all I now possess joy and happiness in my soul. I carry all the faces from this journey in my heart, and those faces remind me that I am not alone. We are all in this crazy ass ride of life together........no doubt there.
"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."
~Samuel Johnson~
So sit back and enjoy this journey, because the antics that our little crew of Dirt bag miscreants manage to stir up are endless. How could they not be. Three weeks of whitewater fear and loathing through the deep hollars of the Appalachian TRUTH will stir up plenty of shenanigans............unlike the past, we were never held at gun point by a crazed West By God hillbilly this time (Thank God for that........once was more than enough. Check out "One Great West By God Yakin' Story" for that shit show), but we did manage to meet John Denver, accidentally rob a thrift store, drive down railroad tracks to escape the depths of the Gauley, save a goat and walk it home, have a safety meeting on a military base..........twice, become obsessed with a blue dot, meet the TRUTH of DBP, have my heart stolen in a Pennsylvania Dirt Bag bar, take 4am shots with a whitewater legend, slept in a public park in the middle of small town 'Murica.........twice, convinced my partner in crime to ride a giant hot dog, ate approximately 56 pepperoni rolls, stomped out the Upper Yough four days in a row, got ticketed by DNR for illegally camping, almost fell off a train bridge in a drunken stupor, kissed a pretty girl under the Friendsville bridge, was kidnapped by a group of female rivah guides and taken to a Hot Tub Time Machine party, lost a fellow DB in Ohiopyle, crashed a wedding, said the phrase "what the fuck Phelan" about 286 times, became terribly lost in the deepest hills of West By God no less than 6 times, witnessed a West By God hillbilly put out a car fire with a Mountain Dew, participated in a rather controversial Wet -T shirt contest (I poured the water on 'em.........HATERS!), threw one hell of an EPIC party, was indirectly pepper sprayed by the police, rang the bell anyway (fuck you pigs!), saw God in Iron Ring, witnessed whitewater perfection on a pile of rafts on Postage Due, learned to hate heroin and everything it creates and more importantly everything it destroys, saw the TRUTH in friendship (much love Wisco and DBP), said some sad goodbyes, paddled more whitewater than I ever have in my life, and in the end discovered the TRUTH about who I am. Besides that, not much really happened.........................enjoy the ride. I know I did. Now let's get this party started!
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
~Hunter S. Thompson~
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
~Hunter S. Thompson~
God Damn is that some serious TRUTH. See y'all on the rivah..............it's been one hell of a ride! PEACE
To continue to Part I of the story, please click here.
To continue to Part I of the story, please click here.
